1) Pink's does "The Rosie O'Donnell Show" with Martha Stewart:
Although we would never be caught dead watching Rosie O'Donnell (there isn't too much common ground here, to say the least), after we got an email from Richard Pink of Pink's Famous Chili Dogs in LA, telling us to check it out, we had to tune in yesterday afternoon.
Martha Stewart came on stage carrying a tray with 2 of Pink's creations on it, one named after Rosie and another they had just named after her, with sour cream, sauer kraut and bacon (that sounds about right)...
Martha had stopped by to announce the 100th issue of "Martha" magazine
When Rosie asked if she had brought enough for everyone else, Martha pointed to Gloria Pink in her trademark pink outfit, looking Los Angeles healthy and smart as usual, sitting in the audience.
2) More LA Weenie Madness:
We watched that program we told you about ("Cook's Tour") that visited Pink's, Tail O' The Pup and Oki Dogs.
The chef / host drove around LA in a red 67 Mustang convertible for the entire program, hopping from one LA landmark eatery to another.
He had the Chili Cheese Dog at Tail O' The Pup, the Millennium Dog at Pink's (and a good conversation with Gloria) and he had the Oki Dog (two weenies in a tortilla with pastrami) at Oki Dogs (the last one was apparently the deal breaker for him).
3) On The Discovery Channel this weekend:
Check out The Discovery Channel at 9 p.m. Sunday for the one-hour special "Gut Busters".
Discovery Channel says that although competitive eating doesn't yet have Olympics status, it's on its way to becoming an actual sport.
The special follows the exploits of a hamburger-eating champion (who is also a former matzo ball champ), a pickle-eating champion and a pizza, french fry and ice cream champ across the country as they eat their way toward the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island.
4) Ren & Stimpy's half-hour "Yaksmas Special"
Nickelodeon TV
Starring Stinky Weaselteats and his Hot Rod Knockwurst Sled, a souped up sausage cart.
Mr. Weaselteats travels around the world distributing meat by-products and slightly chewed up gum.
Stimpy wants a $39 Johnny Futures Jet Scooter and gets a box of fudge pop sticks instead.
He accidentally "liberates" one from the store window and goes on the lam before he is brought to justice before a jury of 12 Angry Yaks and sentenced to Infinity in Prison.
Eventually, he catches up to Saint Weaselteats at the West Pole to find it was all a big misunderstanding.
Other fun aspects: Dog Nog and their sponsor, Dog Water ("A dog's mouth in a bottle")
Happy Yaksmas!
5) "The Rockford Files"
"Dirty Money, Black Light"
Starring James Garner as Jim Rockford, Noah Beery as his dad Joseph (Rocky) Rockford and Stuart Margolin as Angel Martin
Synopsis: The Mob and the government are interested after huge sums come in the mail for vacationing Rocky.
Wiener Relevant Dialogue (after the case is broken, hundreds of thousands of dollars recovered and none ends up in Rockford's pocket):
Rocky: "Hot dogs again?"
Rockford: "Try to think of it as tube steak..."
Recently, TV Land has been running "The Rockford Files" twice a day and we've been searching for the shows we may have missed way back when, so we never have to watch it again after we've been through all of the episodes this time around.
Rockford does seem to love his hot dogs and cheap tacos (our kind of guy!) and James Garner is a pretty genial actor as well (despite what the studios may say about him as he beat them twice when their accounting procedures essentially cheated him out of millions of dollars).
We admire him for that alone and have been fans ever since we first laid eyes on him in the early 60's in "Maverick".
And speaking of "Maverick", Moon doesn't watch Westerns or anything in Black & White (his entire generation's loss, we suspect).
And we were much too young to appreciate much of this show when it was first on and generally took it at face value as a good, high quality horse opera as we were fairly unsophisticated in those times. However, watching it now, with a few years under our belts, we have come to realize what we missed as kids.
For instance, there's a great episode mocking the whole Ponderosa shtick. Instead of Hoss, Little Joe and Adam, it's Moose, Small Paul and another whose name escapes me at the moment, a hilarious spoof.
Another episode sticks it squarely to a humorless Matt Dillon in a "Gunsmoke" parody.
They toy with all of the conventions of the whole Western genre in general and it's well worth seeing, also on TV Land right now.
6) "America's Dumbest Criminals"
"...a thief really can't cut the mustard when he chokes on his stolen hot dog..." TV Guide
7) Commercial for 1-800-Collect:
After attending a class at School Of Collect Calling, Newman from "Seinfeld" (Wayne Knight) stops at a pushcart, looks at a hot dog with the works then drools; "...Ooh, do I have time for a dog...?"
8) "The Red Green Show" (The Beef Project Episode):
"Most men think 'Vegetarian' is the Indian word for Lousy Hunter..."
9) Infomercial Hell:
Have you seen the "George Foreman's Lean, Mean, Fat Reducing Grilling Machine with Patented Sloped Grill!" Infomercial?
"It Knocks out the Fat" according to ex-boxer Foreman. And it allows you to cook his Power Burgers and favorite gourmet dish, Hot Dogs quickly and is very easy to clean.
All this for just 3 easy payments of $19.95 plus S&H!
10) "Rocko's Modern Life" (Road Rash)
This cartoon program is made in Australia, but the comedy translates well in any language. Rocko is a Wallaby who is fond of Hawaiian shirts and his best friends are Heffer, a male cow (?) raised by a family of wolves and
Philbert, a near sighted turtle.
In the Road Rash episode, Rocko and Heffer win the Weenie Mobile during a stop at the local Sausage Shanty. Hef orders the Knockwurst Nightmare Platter, then inquires about the content. The counter person tells him: "...a sandwich with ground pig parts from 673 pigs in 2 miles of intestinal tubing..." Hef then says "I'll take two..." and the counter person tells him "There aren't enough pigs in the entire country..."
Along the road, the Weenie Mobile breaks down and the boys are soon surrounded by bikers who turn out to be friendly and their leader instructs them to "Fix the wallaby's weenie..."
Look for "Rocko's Modern Life" on Nickelodeon. Several other episodes also have hot dog and sausage themes, such as the time Heffer is abducted by a sausage cult...
11) "Rocko's Modern Life" (Schnitz Heads)
Those of you who regularly watch the Nickelodeon Channel may have caught a great episode of Rocko's Modern Life this month called "Schnitz Heads". Rocko's friend Heffer, a cow who was raised by a family of wolves, becomes caught up in a Sausage Cult. They have sausages for every meal, wear sausage costumes for ceremonial robes, play Bobbing for Sausages at parties, live in a compound with sausage style architecture, complete with a Stonehenge made of sausage.
I don't see anything too weird about all this, do you...?
They rescue Heffer in a Trojan Sausage. And, like they say in this episode, "Sausages are seductive..."
12) "Rocko's Modern Life" (Influ-U-Enza)
A half digested hot dog talks back at Rocko. The hot dog, a slice of pizza and another piece of food are called "Retch, Hurl and Spew"
13) "Picket Fences" (Barney Big Brat)
Maxine (Jim Carey's ex-wife Lauren Holly) faces suspension for shooting a man dressed as a bratwurst.
Sample dialogue:
"I have relatives in Frankfort. I don't mean to disparage a member of the sausage family."
"What a vacation, perhaps you'll want a little liverwurst?" Attorney Douglas Wambaugh (Fyvush Finkel) for the weenie man, your honor...
This series also features Ray Walston ("My Favorite Martian") as Judge Henry Bone.
14) "Married with Children"
1) Marcy to Al: "...Why go out for hot dogs when you have a tiny little cocktail frank at home?"
Peg to Marcy: "And it's still attached to the pig..."
2) "Boy, if Weenie Town ever needs a mayor..." Bud Bundy
3) The "Miss Weenie Tots" Episode
Al gives Kelly permission to enter the Miss Weenie Tots contest. She wins and Al gets a whole year's supply of his favorite junk food. Unfortunately, Peg realizes that one of the 50,000 packages may hold the winning ticket and opens every one of them. When Al gets home, he asks why La Casa Bundy smells like bird droppings. Weenie Tots are not supposed to be exposed to air as they decay almost immediately and Al loses again.
Peg finds the winning ticket in the very last box but the family is ineligible as Kelly works for the company.
The Bundys enlist the aid of the D'Arcys and you can guess the rest...
15) "The Drew Carey Show"
Mimi (Kathy Kinnon) does a commercial for the network at the Detroit Auto Show with the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
Then there's the time when Drew wins the Batmobile in a contest...
By the way, have you noticed the different variations of the opening segment when they show 1) a hot dog cart, 2) a flying weenie catch, 3) a stadium hot dog scene and 4) Steve's Hot Dogs in downtown Cleveland, all while dancing to the full version of "Cleveland Rocks" (the long one)?
16) "The Simpsons"
"Doesn't this family know any songs that aren't commercials?" Lisa Simpson after the family sings the Armour Hot Dogs jingle.
17) "The Simpsons"
"...Without all the grease and dirt, all I can taste is hog anus..."
18) "3rd Rock From The Sun"
"I went down to the stadium to get a job as a hot dog vendor, but they said I didn't have enough experience, so now I'm a security guard..." Harry Solomon (French Stewart)
19) Beavis and Butthead (what can we really say about these two?)
Sample Dialogue:
"I'm talking about wiener implants..."
"We're gonna get big wieners..."
"Heh heh, heh heh, heh heh heh..."
20) "Magnum PI"
"No need to know"
The CIA asks Magnum to guard a British Army Brigadier General visiting the estates only saying an attempt will be made on his life. Hot dog vendor / assassin / terrorist and a snazzy airbrushed Hawaiian Hot Dog Shirt...
21) More "Beavis & Butthead"
"Beware the long arm of Butthead"
"Beware the long wiener of Beavis..."
"Yeah, heh heh heh heh..."
22) "Nickelodeon" (Nick at Night)
"You will eat cocktail weenies at The White House..." from a network promo.
23) "The Stick Chicks" (Mad TV)
On Fox Televison Network
Starring Nicole Sullivan, Debra Wilson, Alex Borstein as Champagne, Autumn and Echo
This is probably the lamest "Charlie's Angels" rip-off, ever. The Stick Chicks work undercover at Weenie On A Stick in the local mall. They wear the mandatory hideous tri-color polyester uniforms and receive their assignments through a pop up TV in the counter. In this episode, Dasher orders them to infiltrate the local Orange Juliette outlet, also conveniently located in the same mall. The agents soon discover an espionage ring and prevent a diskette labeled "Nuclear Secrets" from being passed into the wrong hands by the evil shop manager. We hope you never have to see Echo (the actress who also plays Mrs. Swan) attempt to jump over the counter. It's not a pretty sight.
Cheesy Chopsocky Corn Dog Fu, Grill Face Fu and Counter top Fu. Must See TV? Only at La Casa Weenie...
24) "The Animal Planet"
Finally, The Animal Planet has been running a great promo commercial for itself recently where a guy begins to choke on a weenie he just microwaved (karmic justice, no doubt) and his pet ram charges across the room and butts him in the stomach (an animal trained to perform the Heimlich maneuver!), and when the bit o' weenie pops out and flies half way across the room, his pet Terrier is there to catch it and eat it.
It's hilarious in spite of how gross it sounds and is our current favorite commercial.
I laughed, I cried, I wanted a hot dog for lunch...
25) "Oswald"
The Umbrella Episode
A Nick Jr Production
Saturday mornings on CBS
Fred Savage ("The Wonder Years", "Working") provides the voice for the title character, Oswald the Octopus.
Oswald's best friend is Weenie (sometimes also called Weenie Girl), a mutated dachshund with her own buns.
Although all of the other characters speak, all Weenie ever does, curiously enough, is "yip, yip, yip yip, yip yip, yip..."
Other main characters include a talking sunflower with an appetite for salads (?), and a walrus, otter or maybe even a beaver, I'm not really sure, and a team of 1970s TV stars lend their voices to these characters, such as David Lander (Squiggy in "Laverne & Shirley"), Laraine Newman (Saturday Night Live) and singers Tony Orlando and Mac Davis.
They live in Big City, with buildings shaped like castles, rockets, grocery bags, pencils, a tee pee, a grandfather clock, a treasure chest, a baseball, a football, and background characters including gingerbread joggers in the park and lemon cars and trucks, a toaster car, etc.
In the episode we watched early yesterday morning (Moon was in the computer room before he went to work), the story line was about being one marshmallow short to ensure one of Oswald's guest had exactly three, not two and not four, in his hot chocolate.
Earlier in the day, Weenie had found an umbrella in the park which they had tried to give to the local pretzel cart vendor but as there was a storm out, Oswald ended up using it on the way to buy a marshmallow for his very demanding guest.
I should probably point out the fact that they do not seem to have hot dog carts in the park in Big City (a bit of politically correct cartoon show anthropomorphism run amok here, perhaps?) while the Sunflower is free to eat his/her fellow plants and vegetables.
Oswald is blown aloft a la Mary Poppins showing us much of Big City from an aerial perspective and finally arrives home to realize his guest has finally gotten over his bad self and learned to do with only two marshmallows...
Our best guess: the target demographic is the 5 year old crowd with very short attention spans who aren't quite ready for Barney yet.
26) "Nightline"
As American as Baseball, Hot Dogs and Apple Pie...
5 July 2002
With Chris Bury substituting for Ted Koppel
Last night, I fell asleep relatively early (with the TV on) and just happened to wake up in time to see "Nightline" host Bury say that he would be right back to tell us all about hot dogs. Needless to say, that got my attention...
I had missed the entire section on baseball (no big deal, I was born missing the sports gene, as you may remember).
After commercial, he came back with The Hot Dog Professor, Bruce Kraig (and past recipient of The Frankie Award for Hot Dog Excellence), who narrated a brief history of our favorite fast food and then proceeded to differentiate between other hot dogs and Chicago style hot dogs.
Professor Kraig is in the History Department at Chicago's Roosevelt University and lectures widely about the History of Food and has a specialty as well: a slide presentation of The History of The Hot Dog.
Professor Kraig also mentioned having his first hot fog at the original Nathan's at Coney Island.
The program also featured numerous slides of fellow Chicagoan Patty Carroll's collection of hot dog stand photographs.
The host (Bury) is also a Chicagoan and admitted his bias for that particular version of the mighty tubesteak.
Overall, it was an excellent segment and if the good Professor wasn't already a Frankie winner, that might have earned him one...
27) "I Bet You Will"
MTV
Have you seen this new series on MTV?
The premise is that they can get the 20-something crowd to do something totally brain dead for just a few bucks (generally, they're right).
The episode we happened to catch last night involved a brainless blonde beach bunny and another (male) slacker type laying on a swag of indoor - outdoor carpet on the beach and being covered in condiments.
First it was Heinz catsup in the larger pump bottles, followed by mustard from the one gallon jars, then a serious amount of sauerkraut, followed by some chopped onions and finally a large amount of bright green relish.
Then they rolled them up into the carpet, rolled them around in it to spread the stuff around, then unrolled them after they were thoroughly coated from head to toe.
It isn't for a lot of money either, generally somewhere in the realm of $50 each...
28) "Big Eats"
TV Food Network
This program purports to be about fast eating contests in general but is really about the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island.
It's an hour long and a great addition to your video tape collection, well worth seeing a number of times (we watched it twice last night).
All of the old familiar faces we've told you about before are there (George Shea of Nathan's, former champs Ed "The Animal" Krachie, Hirofumi Nakajima and the current world champ who stunned everyone with his overwhelming victory of 50 hot dogs in last year's contest, more than doubling any previous record.
We don't want to ruin it for you by telling you too much about it now, but we highly recommend you schedule a little time to see it...
29) "GUTBUSTERS"
The Discovery Channel (2001)
This one hour documentary is one part road trip flick, one part Jenny Craig's worst nightmare...
It follows The 3 Amigos (Don "Moses" Lerman, "Krazy" Kevin Lipsitz and Ed "Cookie" Jarvis) as they go to the regional hot dog eating contest in Las Vegas (where Krazy Kevin fails to make the cut) and then on to Phoenix in order for him to qualify, making him eligible for the Big One: Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Contest at Coney Island.
Along the way, various eating records are discussed such as pie, pizza, wings, haggis, pickles, matzo balls, jalapeno peppers and hot dogs.
We see a few eating exhibitions as well: Lerman discusses his record of 12 half pound matzo balls in 2 minutes, 25 seconds, demonstrates his technique while consuming 2 and a half pounds in 5 minutes, eats a large pizza in 5 minutes and says he can down a gallon of water in 3 minutes. We also meet the Jalapeno King who ate 152 Jalapeno peppers for the World Record.
Later, the 3 Amigos go to a steak house in New Jersey where it's free if they can finish 76 ounce steaks in an hour. One finishes his in 25 minutes (Lerman), another in 34 minutes and Krazy Kevin finally finished in an hour 15 minutes (the last 15 minutes with a mouth full of beef).
We also saw a contest in Japan where 21 pounds of noodles were consumed in 15 minutes (by the current 2 time Nathan's champ Kobayashi, who also holds many other records at home)
When the documentary finally gets to Nathan's Coney Island (on the corner of Surf and Stilwell), we are introduced to the competitors as they debark the Bus of Champions with a fake fed security escort (shades of "Men in Black").
This was filmed shortly before and leading up to Kobayashi's stunning first victory in 2001, when he literally turned the weenie eating crowd on their heads by consuming 50 hot dogs in the allotted 12 minutes, doubling the previous record at once.
That's a whole lot of Coney Island Caviar...
The narrator also points out that the rewards are minimal and that the winner receives 60 lbs of hot dogs, some serious bragging rights and gets to wear the coveted Mustard Yellow Belt for the following 12 months.
The program also features interviews of George and Rich Shea of Shea Communications. They've handled the event for Nathan's for the last 15 years now and recently formed the IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating).
Earlier this week, we pointed you at the IFOCE web site but if you haven't had time to check it out yet, their logo contains a shield with 2 dragons eating a hot dog and clutching a pair of crossed mustard and catsup squirts and the motto (in Latin) on a ribbon across the bottom is "In Gorging, Truth" You can also purchase T-shirts with the IFOCE logo from the site and subscribe to "The Gurgitator", their newsletter.
George Shea calls competitive eating "...the dawn of a new sport..." and "...a combination of the Super Bowl and an illegal dog fight..."
Along the way, we were introduced to Las Vegas hot dog eating champ Kid Cary who does it in a real Vegas kind of way with the mandatory Elvis style jump suit, a bevy of Bunnettes at his side, making for spectacular entrances (a man after Uncle Frank's heart)...
Various visual effects in the program include X-ray eating, where you see a man chew and then swallow his food via fluoroscope, it delves into a little junk science; former Mustard Yellow Belt holder Ed "The Animal" Krachie's "Belt of Fat" theory, which was roundly rejected by JAMA (The Journal of the American Medical Association, but nonetheless reported with a straight face; several doctors were even quoted and there were a few other special effects such as a model of stomach (apparently made from a large latex balloon) filled with 50 hot dogs and buns, they spared absolutely no expense on this one...
For those of you aware of the several versions of Nathan's early mythology, you may find this section particularly humorous (depending on the version you've heard) about how Nathan's founder 1) hired out of work actors in lab coats (which would make them appear to be doctors) to stand around and eat hot dogs or 2) doctors from the nearby hospital actually stood around the stand and ate hot dogs...
Finally, towards the very end, Gersh Kuntzman of The New York Post. files his report by phone, reporting Kobayashi's amazing victory.
Mr. Kuntzman also wrote that article about the controversy at this years' event (when Kobayashi spit weenies through his nose) we told you about and has covered the event in years past. He tells the person at the other end of the line that "...we need to go first page with this..."
We checked the satellite guide and didn't see it listed again (the guide only shows the day ahead) but as it is National Hot Dog Month, we expect they'll schedule it again soon so keep your eyes open for it.
30) Fox TV's "Glutton Bowl"
This 2 hour long program features hot dog eating, butter eating, mayonnaise eating and a 15 foot long sushi roll as well.
It's hosted by Mark Thompson of The Guinness World Records Show (also on Fox).
Mark used to be a local announcer at one of the network affiliates in San Jose.
His segment of the local news was called Mark Thompson's Neighborhood Weather Watch or something like that.
Mark brought a satellite uplink truck to a cook out we held at a friend's house for The 5th Annual Frankie Awards (1987).
And many of you may already be familiar with the name George Shea of Shea Communications in New York City.
They produce The Nathan's Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island every 4th of July.
George does the announcer duties for the contest and is also part of tonight's show.
31) WeenieGram: Nathan's 87th Annual 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island
We've all been up since 4:30 this morning as wife and Boy both have to work today (double time!).
Needless to say, I turned the TV on then, loaded in all of the news channels, set up the VCR with a blank tape and got ready for the Nathan's contest later. As I was flipping through channels, I discovered several reporters on the scene talking to people who were already staking out their claim on the beach, some as early as 6:00 AM. It was already 97 degrees out then and it promises to get even hotter by Noon.
A Pre-Contest Interview:
"American Morning" with Paula Zahn on CNN at 5:45 this morning featured previous contestant Eric "Badlands" Booker, a local subway conductor from New York City. He was wearing his "Eat All That You Can Eat" contest shirt with dozens of autographs on it.
He says that he drinks a gallon of water in 3 minutes, and he eats 3 large heads of cabbage (approximately 9 pounds of cabbage) for practice.
Mr. Booker is well over 6' tall and weighs in at 410 pounds.
During the interview, he discussed how he is going to beat last year's phenomenal champ Takeru "The Tsunami" Kobayashi with what he refers to as his "modified Japanese technique" which consists of eating two dogs at a time followed by two water-soaked buns and that he plans to win by eating "...52 dogs, one for each state..."
As you remember, last year's champ, the diminutive Kobayashi decimated all previous records with an astounding 50 hot dogs (and buns) in 12 minutes and we predict that even he can not equal that feat this year but we have to give him a nod as most likely to win again...
The Contest:
It was another stunning Kobayashi victory today, with him only slightly bettering last year's win with half a hot dog more.
This is a turning point in the contest, he has permanently raised the bar, so to speak and many of the competitors easily beat the older records of 21, 22, 23, 24 etc with Booker turning in a score of 26 and a half and Zornitsky, the Russian Mayo Eating Champ eating 25 and a half.
Kobayashi's eating technique is known as The King Solomon Method as he breaks 2 dogs in half, eats them, followed by the buns.
Kobayashi led almost 2 to 1 throughout the entire event.
He weighs in at 135 pounds and stands at 5'1", half the size of most of the American competitors.
CNN didn't carry it live so we flipped back and forth between MSNBC and Fox News.
Curtis Sliwa, founder of the Guardian Angels in New York provided over-the-top color commentary for MSNBC.
He accused the Japanese government of funding a training program that enabled them to take the coveted Mustard Yellow Belt four out of the last five years.
He also alleged that the Japanese eaters used special super enzymes that allowed them to instantly digest anything, sashimi, even haggis and called for an International Tribunal in The Hague to have them examined by a team of doctors from the United Nations, describing the victory as "...disgraceful, disgraceful..."and also stated "This is worse than Pearl Harbor..."
Sliwa was a previous contestant in the event several years ago (his previous personal best was 16 hot dogs during the 12 minutes allotted) and threatened to come out of retirement and have a go at it next year and says that he won't put up with "...no trickology, no subterfugee, no west coast freakie-deakies..."
Hey! Watch what you're saying about us left coast freakie-deakies, fella!
He also went on to say "Yes, I'm xenophobic, yes I'm jingoistic, I'm coming out of retirement and I can beat this Son of Tojo..."
Ever the master of belligerent verbosity, he continued "The true international terrorists are... the sons of the Rising Sun, they've stolen away the icon of American eating..."
We also noticed someone in a hot dog costume on the stage in the background (that had to be swelteringly hot) and George Shea presided over the event as usual.
32) "Insomniac" with Dave Attel on Comedy Central
For those of you unfamiliar with "Insomniac", Dave Attel is a B grade, possibly C grade stand up comedian but it's what he does after his set that makes this show so interesting (listen to the lyrics of the theme song: "Come with me and you will see, a late night freak show on TV, kick the sandman in the sac, stay up late, Insomniac...").
The first thing he does after his stand up act is "get liquored up" like my buddy Brian would say, then he hits the streets of whatever town he happens to be in, camera man in tow, looking for a good time (weird will also do nicely).
He stays up the rest of the night (until dawn), looking for something, anything to do (hence the title).
In last night's episode (it should be on the rest of the week, check your local listings), he heads for various parts of San Francisco, goes for a motorcycle ride with a group of gay Harley owners, visits all of the usual tourist points (Fisherman's Wharf, Coit Tower, Golden Gate Bridge, the Castro District, Broadway and the cable car turn-around), plays poker with on-duty grave yard shift firemen standing by for a call, etc) but the fun part was when he went to a local watering hole in one of the neigborhoods.
It was just before I fell asleep and I forget the name of the place but I can never forget the floor show: two 20-something strippers dressed as Catholic school girls having simulated sex on stage with a big fat guy dressed up in a hot dog costume. Now that's entertainment!
33) "Gary and Mike"
Corn Ugly Dog
Comedy Central
Harlan Williams does the voice of Mike
Guest starring: The Barenaked Ladies
This is a claymation style animated series and this episode was about saving the old Mom & Pop corn dog stand (Pop's Corn Diggity Dogs) from being foreclosed on by the owner of Porn Dogs (featuring exotic dancers and brass poles), their competition located directly across from them in Mall of North America in Minnesota, with 6752 stores.
The plot is one part Mr. Miyagi from "Karate Kid" ("wax on, wax off..." AKA Arnold on "Happy Days" who was also Armijo High School's most famous graduate here in Squarefield I might add) and one part "Flashdance": "He's a crazy nut, a crazy nut..." ("He's a maniac, maniac")...
Gary undergoes intensive corn dog training (complete with an aluminum practice corn dog and blindfolded mustard and ketchup squirt fu) on his quest to become The Best Corn Dogger Ever and face down his opponents from Porn Dogs at The World Corn Dog Cup Championship.
The muscle from Porn Dogs (Mr. Barbella) uses a little intimidation on Pop after breaking in one night and sticking his hands into the boiling oil and sidelines him to the hospital the day of the Championship, leaving Gary without a partner for his synchronized corn dog routine.
On the day of the Championship, The Dog Year Blimp circles over the event and saving the day, Gary pulls off the first ever triple inverted torque slide ("...it killed my mother..."), dipping the corn dogs in a vat of hot oil during his somersault over it and through a giant meat cleaver.
There's also a bit of Heimlich humor (shades of that Dodge Super Bowl beef-jerky-on-the-windshield commercial), a little choking corn dog fu tubesteak target practice and a side plot involving Victoria's Secret lingerie models and the band.
There are also several gratuitous musical rip offs: "When's somebody gonna eat my dogs, woof, woof" ("Who let the dogs out?").
Quotes:
"You gonna finish that?"
"Never forget, at Corn Diggity's we don't just sell corn dogs, we sell dreams, deep fried on a stick..."
"I gotta go drain the corn dog..."
"I'm the worst corn dogger that ever lived"
"Turn in your dog tags"
"Don't think, just feel the dog..."
"Do it Mike or we're going to have what we call in the corn dog industry a situation"
"Turn in your ears and snout"
"So you're as good as Pop's little wiener wizard?"
"Is that a corn dog in your pocket?"
"Uh, yeah, it's my practice dog, sorry"
"So am I"
"No corn hands, noooo!"
"I guess when you deep fry the woman you love, it does something to a man..."
"The Corn Dog Cup is a four armed event and no one's winning squat with these oven mitts"
"You might want to visit your old boss at Burns, Bandages & Beyond..."
"Put your hands together and give it up for Bambi, serving it up doggy style over at stage three"
"The wieners will be there, partner, as God as my witness, the wieners will be there..."
"Time to kick some corn dog ass"
"I have seen them come and go but Gary Newton is The Greatest Corn Dogger, ever"
34) "Dilbert"
Company Picnic
Comedy Central
Starring: Daniel Stern, Chris Elliot, Larry Miller, Tom Kenney & Camryn Manheim
Story: Management buys discount weenies for the annual company picnic, Dogbert is the slow pitch softball coach and Dilbert plays Romeo.
Relevant quotes:
"I'm sure you all remember the disaster at last year's picnic when our wieners turned out to be defective"
"But the buns were excellent"
Yes, they were but this year we can't rest on our buns no matter how plump and delicious they might be"
"Are you actually proud of the fact that you spent your youth guzzling beer and playing sports just so you could excel at the picnicking arts?"
"Now, let's make some wiener related decisions"
"Hold on, am I the only one who isn't crazy about hot dogs made from old zebra meat?"
"Can we get this over with; the smell of burning flesh is making me hungry?"
"That's not lying, that's managing..."
"I have to go down to the wiener district."
"There's a wiener district?"
"Best prices and best selection in all of Wiener Town..."
"We should call him Girlbert"
"Second base? No engineer has ever gotten that far."
"Wonder if it was something they ate?"
"It must have been the hot dogs, maybe they were bad..."
"Wow, you really ate a poison hot dog just to be with me?"
Also featuring: Mutant wieners, recycled zoo meat (Zoo-No-More), flaming weenie man fu, Asok fu
35) "King of the Hill"
FOX TV
Did you see "King of the Hill" tonight (8 minutes ago)?
It featured the IFOCE (the International Federation of Competitive Eating) founded by George Shea and their newsletter "The Gurgitator".
Hank's beer drinking neighbor Bill Dogherty discovers he has a talent when he eats 12 hot dogs in a minute.
He takes Hank, Peggy and a date out and then eats 10 bowls of Swenson's Pea Soup (everyone eats for free if he pulls it off).
He and Dale Gribble enter the Nathan's contest.
Dale goes 2 at a time, then 3 at a time but Hank's next door neighbor from Laos wins the contest.
The program featured Kid Rock and the voice of Pamela Anderson Lee, Belgium and Japanese eating champs and bug eating exhibitions.
Quotes:
"The championship isn't held by an American?"
"Your Mustard Yellow Belt is going to look fine around my fat American gut..."
"USA, USA, USA..."
"Breathe and swallow Bill, breathe and swallow, you're eating for America..."
"Whatever you do, don't vomit, you keep those dogs in your tummy and Jennifer will give you the tummy-wummy"
"This man is eating for his country Dale, what you're doing is treason..."
"Hail the conquering fat-ass, a lonely pig gorging on the lips and anuses of his brothers".
"He's dry dogging it!"
"Gribble, Gribble, USA!"
"I'm a muffaholic"
"Attack the dog, attack the dog"
"I guess we can let Laos have a stupid wiener contest, can't we?"
36) "Man vs Beast"
Fox TV
Did you happen to catch what one critic called the absolute low point of TV on Wednesday night?
It featured various side show acts like a man racing a giraffe (the human won), a man racing a zebra (Zebra: 1, Man: 0) and 44 "little people" playing Tug O' War with a DC-10 and an elephant (the elephant takes it). There was also another stunt involving a feat of strength and one of the great apes (chimpanzee or orangutan, I'm not sure which) and as apes are generally 8 times stronger than us humans...
I should also point out that there's no way to know whether the giraffe knew it was in a race, a remark that a Sacramento newsreader followed up with "Well, what about the zebra...?"
Fortunately, the segment we needed to see was on first and I didn't have to watch the rest of the program.
That part featured reigning world hot dog eating champ (he holds several other eating records) Kobayashi (135 pounds, 5 feet 7 inches tall) against a 1,039 pound, 8 foot tall Alaskan bear (they call him The Alaskan Cruncher), who normally chows down 60 pounds at a time.
The bear made the champ look like a bulimic on a first date and scarfed all 50 weenies (no buns) down in 2 minutes 36 seconds, 6 or 8 at a time when he started out, then down to one at a time as fast as he could grab one in his huge paw and stick it into his mouth.
The champ ate a total of 31.5 weenies in the same amount of time, still a respectable amount even if they were slightly smaller than the Nathan dog and easily eclipsing all but his own current record of 50 Nathan's dogs and buns established last July.
And you could see the fear in his eyes when the bear, only a few feet away, ran out of franks...
Speaking through an interpreter, Kobayashi said that he wants to do it again but it occurs to me that maybe we need to enter that bear in next July's hot dog eating contest at Coney Island?
37) Tonight at 6 PM and 9 PM PST the TV Food Network will show an episode of their new series "Unwrapped" featuring hot dogs.
They hit Nathan's in The Big Apple, breeze through Chicago to visit Super Dawgs and also stop by Tail O' The Pup in LA.
Your local times may vary so please check your satellite or cable guide.
And: sometime in March our old friend (and "Frankie" Award Winner) Mr. Potato Head (Jeff Potocsnak) and his wonderful collection of all things Mr. Potato Head will be featured in another episode of the show which they filmed recently at his new home in the suburbs of Chicago.
We will let you know well in advance if at all possible...
38) "Gut Busters in Alaska"
Original Productions
The Discovery Channel
1 hour
We only caught the last half of this program this morning but wanted to let you know about it in case they show it again in the next couple of days (we'll watch it then and update this posting on the web site to include the rest).
George and Rich Shea of the IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eaters) travel to our northern-most state attempting to find a new champion, one capable of bringing down the Japanese contestants who have dominated eating contests here for the last few years.
They show Hungry Charles Harding at home with his impressive array of eating contest trophies, follow another contender as he trains in his hotel room drinking a gallon of water at a time and shows a third contestant (a pastry chef with wild punk hair) as he contemplates the contest in the wild while watching grizzly bears forage for salmon and notes their eating style.
There are some pseudo-scientific observations complete with X-rays, animation and an expert, Doctor Kerry Weiner (I'm not making this up, I swear!). There is a brief discussion on the philosophy of championship eating ("...it's all mental...an internal sport..."), and some nice scenic detours along the way such as the quaint (some would say it's already too overcrowded) village of Talkeetna, population 347, not far from Mount McKinley, where the annual Sourdough Pancake Eating Contest (with bacon) is held.
There's a bit of gratuitous Paul Bunyon lore, the history of sourdough in Alaska, the Alaska pie eating champ, appropriately, a great T-shirt worn by one of the contestants ("I see dumb people") and a mention of the Rainier Sausage Cup but we must have missed that part too...
There is a shrimp eating contest earlier in the show (it's also in the part we missed), an eating coach known as "The Mouth from The South" (I wonder if old Ted Turner knows about this?), and a cabbage eating contest to round out the eliminations for The Hibernation cup.
The program visits a local farmer who grows the world's largest cabbages (they estimate the winner may eat as much as 10 pounds of boiled cabbage in the 2002 contest) and there's a $1000 prize.
Great quote:
"I want his mouth duct-taped shut before the competition and when the competition is over, we'll duct tape over it again..." Hungry Charles Harding
We won't tell you the results of any of the contests so we don't ruin it for you (except to say that a lot of cabbage was eaten and they didn't find anyone who could beat the current Hot Dog Eating Champ, Takeru Kobayashi)...
39) Oops!
We almost forgot to mention that John Horsley (Uncle Frank's old college buddy) emailed yesterday to tell us about another hot dog eating contest he caught on "Ripley's Believe It or Not".
This one focused on cold weenies and they had 10 minutes to wolf 'em down, not the usual 3 or 4 minutes you see in other contests.
The winner consumed 41 dogs and second place had 40 to his credit.
We haven't been able to figure out when this program will be on again (the satellite schedule is freaking out on a regular basis nowadays, a petty gripe that's really starting to bug us lately) but when we do, we'll let you know so you can set up your VCR's to catch it for yourself.
40) He: "For three years I have been dreaming about Pink's hot dogs...ketchup, onions and a little kraut"
She: "Adolph Hitler was a little kraut, why don't you have lunch with him?"
A very young parolee (George Clooney) in "Rewrite for murder", a pilot for the series on Trio's Brilliant But Cancelled
41) Take a look at your cable or satellite guide for "The People's Champion", a new show on FX Network and set up your VCR's..
Our satellite guide (Direct TV) says it's on at 10:30 PM Eastern / Pacific but it wasn't too clear on what night (we caught it two times; once on Sunday night and again last night). It's hosted by AJ Benza.
This week's episode features a Wiener Toss Contest where the participants fling weenies dipped in either mustard or catsup at the driver of a car slowly circling them and a stainless steel push cart in the middle of a relatively small area.
There's a camera in the car as well as one showing the event in its' entirety and the driver, an older man, wears goggles to protect his eyes from a direct hit (there were several). The winner was Jamison Reeves with 11 mustard dipped weenies hitting the driver in the side of the head. The other contestant, Jackie Page managed to lob 10 through the window in spite of throwing like a girl (and what a girl she is!).
There was also an extremely lame Kielbasa Deep Throating Contest with 3 participants, and the "winner" won with a miserable 4 3/8th's inch total (the Kielbasa Queen on Howard Stern did the whole 14 inches).
Finally, there are several other contests including gratuitous naked fat guys on tricycles racing around a track (pluck my eyes out now!), etc...
42) "No Reservations" with Anthony Bourdain
"Southwestern USA"
The Travel Channel
This episode, Mr. Bourdain starts out in the LA area (Riverside), stops by the Salton Sea (Bombay Beach - Population 270) for a pattie melt at the only place to eat in town (he claims it's the first one he ever had), has a date with a date farmer in Indio ("The Sex Life of Dates"), zips out to Phoenix, where he has "The Big Unit" that 2 foot long hot dog the Boy checked out for us recently (it's on the web site) at Alice Cooper's restaurant, visits a museum dedicated to a decommissioned 60's ICBM rocket complete with launch silo, did some on-the-road RV BBQ, stopped by Hatch, New Mexico for some chili pepper dishes (red & green enchiladas), goes white water rafting, does a roadside BBQ (grilled radicchio and lamb), also in New Mexico (they drink Tecate beer, from approximately 15 miles from here), stop by that place that serves the 72 ounce steak for free, if you can eat it in an hour and eventually ends up at rocker Ted Nugent's spread in Texas where he shoots up the countryside (with an AK-47) with the Motor City Mad Man (Nugent came to fame with The Amboy Dukes out of Detroit) and they dine on sausage, brisket, venison & wild boar...
43) Elsewhere on the cable dial, Comedy Central's imported-from-Britain "Travel Sick" arrives this week from Chicago for a taste of Vegas, testing host Grub Smith's mettle in more ways than one.
At 3 p.m. today, Smith's scheduled to take on "Kid" Cary DeGrosa, three-time Las Vegas hot-dog eating champion, in a frankfurter ingestion showdown at the Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs outpost inside New York-New York.
And on Saturday night, Smith crashes the lineup at The Beach nightclub's Comedy Blowout to see if he's a stand-up standout.
The public is invited to both the hot-dog eating contest at New York-New York and the comedy show at The Beach, notes Barry Green of Las Vegas'-based Fiercely Independent Films, which is helping to coordinate "Travel Sick's" Vegas visit.
We'll let you know when this episode airs (we're regular viewers of "Travel Sick")...
44) Kid Cary on The Travel Channel (details later)
45) John Ratzenberger's "Made in America" (you may remember him as postman Cliff Claven on "Cheers") visits Oscar Mayer
46) We've never seen this program before (I have an extremely low tolerance for sitcoms in general) and this item doesn't even warrant a mention in the Tube Steak TV segment on the web site but did you catch the latest episode of "Yes, Dear" when they went to Legoland, up in Carlsbad, just a few miles up the coast from here?
They borrowed the current version of the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile for a trip to the park (evidently Dad's in advertising and has friends who...) and the Wienermobile never actually moved during the very short segment (they sat in it while they pretended they were stuck in a traffic jam). There was only one semi-amusing line of dialogue: "Get in the hot dog" and they also managed to get the Wienermobile "keyed" down the side as a result of a bad case of road rage for not having any hot dogs onboard. See, we told you it really wasn't worth mentioning....
47) "I needs me a weenie smoothie..." Meatwad on a recent episode of "Aqua Teen Hungerforce"
48) "The Surreal World"
The housemates volunteer for a charity thing at Mel'sDiner in LA
Erik Estrada as the hyperkinetic busboy, Gary Coleman as General Manager, Tammy Faye Baker (Messner) and Trishelle (from some reality program I certainly never watched) as the waitresses, extremely well endowed and double jointed porn star Ron Jeremy and Iced Tea were the chefs (short order cooks actually) and Tracy Bingham (a large breasted vegetarian from the "Baywatch" series) was assigned dessert duties.
Coleman's "Different Strokes" co-star Todd Bridges dropped by, Iced Tea kept picking Gary Coleman up and threatening to drop him into the deep fryer and the microwave. Coleman fired Iced Tea and when he refused to be fired, Coleman quit.
Today's Special: The Ron Jeremy Foot Long Hot Dog...
49) And have you seen the latest Pepsi commercial?
A woman in a hot dog costume handing out flyers in front of Wiener World meets and falls instantly in love with a guy in a Pepsi costume.
The tag line says: "Hot dogs love Pepsi, Pepsi loves hot dogs..."
50) "The Simpsons"
Homer: I sure could go for a hot dog right about now.
Marge: Homer! This is a funeral!
Vendor: HOT DOGS!
Homer: WOO HOO!
Marge: Do you just follow my husband around everywhere?
Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college.
51) "Barney Miller" (1975)
Rhonda Haleck: He got me a little pennant, a hot dog and a beer. We had really great seats.
52) "The Cosby Show" (1984)
Cliff: Let me tell you something. Your mother and I go into the kitchen. You can go out and get in MY car. You can drive BACKWARDS to Coney Island, run over the hot dog man and TWO stop signs and you won't be in any more trouble than you are in now.
53) "Family Guy" (1999)
Peter Griffin: At least they don't put their feminine ointments next to the mustard, Lois. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate.
54) "Gilmore Girls" (2000)
Rabbi: We answer to a higher authority... like the hot dog.
55) "Muppet Babies" (1984)
Fozzie: Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka.
56) "The Simpsons" (1989)
Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last moments on earth socially awkward.
57) "The Simpsons" (1989)
Hot Dog Vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
58) "The Simpsons: Hit & Run" (2003) (VG)
Homer: Really? And what about the ninja babysitters? Real or hot dog dream
Lisa: Hot dog dream.
59 "7th Heaven" (1996)
Annie: The fact that my kid is more concerned with the punishment than the crime tells me something. And you know what it tells me? My kid is a weenie.
60) "Dinosaurs" (1991)
Robbie Sinclair: Dad, I'm here with a girl. It might help if you didn't make me look like the world's biggest weenie.
61) "Christmas in South Park" (2000) (V)
Satan: [Singing] Look! There's Princess Diana/Holding burning mistletoe/Over Gene Siskel's head/You can see his weenie grow.
